If only there was a swimming pool nearby…I’d do a cannonball into the cold water.

When you can’t go to sleep and you toss and turn toss and turn. Fold your futon couch back into a bed and still can’t sleep? I certainly do. I took a nap earlier on after I came home from the amazing place, and well; I slept until 4:00 - 5:00 ish. So tomorrow or later on today to be more precise, I’ll be going to the gym, work out and than go home. I might stop by the amazing place for a bit but I don’t know. Anyway, I don’t have a lot to say so I’m gone.

Today marks the first day of me going to a gym. Tomorrow I’ll be going there and swimming in the pool. Take care.

Why must he take people from us? Does he know it’s their time to go? Or does he simply doesn’t care when or how it will effect family members? On April 18th 2008, my friend’s brother passed away due to cancer. He didn’t smoke or drink but he had cancer and was doing treatments and such. I logged onto my friends myspace profile and saw RIP __________ and I got chills up and down my body and started crying. Why does the lord have to take people and animals away from us? It’s just not fair. I believe he’s doing this not on purpose grounds mind you, but in good health. Maybe he saw ________ in pain and decided to take his life. Noone really knows the answer to this. It’s a sad sad sad world. For instance on the day my bff Kim and I went to Disneyland, some guy jumped out of a window at the Disneyland Hotel. Now why would people do that? Why? It hurts to hear stuff like that. I mean first it was Chris’ mother who found out she had cancer and was only going to live two months and shot her daughter while she was sleeping and killed her and than pulled the gun onto herself. After that one of my friend’s from the amazing place died and it was a shock. Everyone was in tears, he was loved by millions, as well; as my friend’s brother. But why does the lord have to take people and animals away from us? Why? If someone can give me the answers I’d hug you.

So I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time now and I really would like to go back to school and learn something instead of sitting at home like a bump on a log. I haven’t told anyone about this because well; they’ll just say think it over for a few days. But I don’t want to think it over for a few days. I’ve already thought about it and made up my mind that I want to go back to school. I’m really interested in the designing area for computers and really want to get my degree in that so I can work for Disney studios and Pixar. So here’s my debate should I go into a junior college first and than to a university? Or University first? What’s one to do? Someone let me know. I really want to get back in the kick of things. And sitting at home and going to the amazing place is kinda well; boring. So I guess I’ll have to talk to my dad about this and see what he thinks about it. He’ll be more concerned about the grades more than anything else. And if I can get him to allow me to go back to school, than I’ll scrimp, and save and study more and spend less time on the laptop. Of course one of those days that I don’t go to school I’ll be doing homework and laundry and I really want to go during the summer session. So what’s a girl to do? Any to all suggestions would be nice.

For the longest time 2-3 weeks approximentally, I’ve been having these nerves inside of me twitching and “pulling” which seems someone tied a rope around my brain and is yanking on it to come out. If that makes any sense? Well; for 3 weeks straight and after the passing out spree I had, it’s finally over with. I see my doctor on tuesday and I’m going to tell her about it as well; as my dad and maybe get some medications changed or something. Could it possibly mean that I’m going backwards again instead of forward? It seems as though whenever; I’m on new medication for the longest time, I intend to become immuned to it. Like for example : Geodon and Ambilify both help with the voices I hear in my head and mouth when I eat. They were working for quite sometime but than they stopped and the what I like to call it “brain pulling” began. Is there a message I’m not following from God or Jesus? Or am I that dumb?

Anyway, I felt more at ease last night when I took a bath in the dark with a nightlight as my candle ( lol ) and listened to some nature music at the same time. It was so pleasant I didn’t want to get out of the water but it was rounding near midnight when I had that bath, so that’s why I had to put a stop to it.I didn’t want too, but I had to. I told my best friend about it and she said you’re finally acknowledging this? I told her I didn’t know it would do it, but it does relax you. She was so happy to hear that from me, and when I join Nurse Pat’s group on tuesday I’m going to let her know what’s been going on and all that stuff. But yeah, bubblebaths, and candles and nature music are a better way to relieve stress and feel romantic at the same time. I’m really nearing to go take one right now. So I think I will take care!